More Air Travel

We've all been through the airport. The government's desire to look like a friend to all and not be besmirched by accusations of racial profiling has forced the hand of the myrmidons working the security counters at our nation's travel hubs to make random searches and to follow a ridiculous guideline of how to convince someone that they were a potential threat and justify detaining and inconveniencing them for another few minutes.

My recent trip through DAY was no exception. I actually take my wardrobe into consideration when I prepare for a flight. I wear loose fitting shoes. I do not wear a belt or suspenders. I put my wallet in my carry on. My iPod, cell phone and camera are all in their own separate cases that are easily distinguished. My laptops are easily accessible as they need to be placed into their own security trays. Boarding pass and passport are always in hand. My sleeves are always short and pockets always empty.

That didn't stop our Mensa ready friends at the TSA from giving me the pat down, ball fondling treatment. They weren't concenred with my "quart sized ZipLoc bag" full of sample laundry detergent gel. I was wearing a fleece vest over a t-shirt and was singled out for wearing a "bulky coat". (the guy in the bubble jacket behind me walked right through) While my patdown that stopped short of an anal probe was in progress I noticed a TSA woman trying to rip the zipper off of my laptop bag.

E-Rock "What are you doing?"

TSA Cunt "Your bag has to be opened, sir."

E-Rock "Why?"

TSA Cunt "Are you carrying a portable hard drive?"

E-Rock "There's a terabyte drive in there. It's impossible to miss. I looks like a book with a bunch of electronic connectors on the back."

TSA Cunt "We need to get it out."

E-Rock "Do you need to destroy my bag in the process?"

TSA Cunt "We will be careful with your property, sir."

E-Rock "I'd like to use MY definition of careful and not yours."

I try to guide her in the proper application of force and leverage in order to open a zipper in order to extract the hard drive, to no avail. She kept flipping the bag and dropping it to find the compartment with the drive in it.

My hard drive rescans and wouldn't you know, it turns out NOT to be a bomb. My clothes are back on and wouldn't you know, I turn out NOT to have a bomb. Sleep well America, the government is keeping you safe.