Priorities

I was all set to write about my gig last weekend, a post game extravaganza with Steven Curtis Chapman, and yet another miserable experience in Atlanta (the Detroit of the south). Rain, bad crew, hotel disasters, trucking woes... the gig was rife with blog fodder. Things changed a few minutes ago. As I sat in my couch clicking away the keystrokes that detailed my adventure the phone rang. I usually ignore the house line. Anyone who wants to contact me knows it's my cell phone or nothing. My house phone is for my convenience and no one else's so the number is rarely distributed.

Hospice, where my mother-in-law has been attempting to regulate her pain from chemo and radiation therapy, has my home number and called early this morning. I saw the callerID and immediately knew what the call was about and I didn't want to answer the phone. My wife was asleep so in the split second it took me to walk across the room to get the phone these were my thoughts.

1. Oh shit, mom died.
2. Mary Ann is asleep, I have to wake her up to tell her mom died.
3. Helen will be waking up soon and she is too young to understand why the house is so sad.
4. Does dad know yet?
5. What happens next?

I have been out of the loop since June 1. For most of the summer, I have been doing gigs all over the midwest and not part of the process of planning for the inevitable. So I get up and answer the phone with more than a little trepidation. The kind voice on the phone informs me of what I have already deduced and asks to speak to Mary Ann. When I got to the room, she snapped awake and knew before picking up the phone what the content of the call was going to be. (Here's where I'm a terrible husband. I could have given the news. I could have thanked Hospice for the call, hung up, and gently woke my wife and somehow found a kind way of telling her that her mother just died, but nope... I took the easy way out and let Hospice tell her. I'm such a pussy.)

My mother-in-law was the heart and soul of that side of my family. She was the one who kept everyone's schedule, reminded us of every reason to celebrate (birthday, anniversary, graduation, whatever...) She was the one making sure to accommodate my funky schedule when planning family events (including bringing thanksgiving dinner to me once when I was working the holiday shift as a producer at a local radio station). She was an educated woman never forgot anything and was interested in everything. From my brother-in-law's experiences in the world of corporate IT to my adventures in the roadie world; mom would listen intently, ask questions and offer insight. Mom was the loving mother, grandmother and friend every family should have. She adored her granddaughter and visited Helen daily for the first 3 months and weekly thereafter until going into the hospital (where we brought Helen to visit her instead). Mom knew my family history and understood the rocky relationship I have with my parents. She welcomed me into her family without reservation and loved me regardless of my stupid antics; she became the mom that I needed and was happy to do so. My mother-in-law was a great person who will be missed and thought of daily.

I'll tell you about Atlanta some other time.