Halloween

When we were children this time was innocent and carefree. Dress up like a scary creature, grab a pillowcase and wander the neighborhood asking strangers for candy. What could possibly go wrong?

As adults the holiday is still carefree, however the innocence is gone. The costumes become more elaborate. For boys it's a creative free for all, for girls, the costume is identical for everyone. Just dress like a whore and carry an accessory depicting what you are trying to impersonate.

A whore with a stethoscope... ...a nurse.

A whore with a wand... ...a witch.

A whore with a whip and a leash... ...probably got that outfit from her closet and is happy for the one day she doesn't have to live in denial.

The adult candy has gone from bubble gum and chocolate to beer. The door to door has changed to bar to bar, and I'm not complaining. Who doesn't like looking at whores? Really?

Now I'm someone's daddy. Soon I will have to march a little princess or a little bunny, or a little witch around the neighborhood asking strangers for candy dreading the day that she leaves the princess costume behind. I know what comes next...

adendum

I would be remiss if I didn't mention some of the details about my wife's ordeal and give her the credit she deserves. Mrs. E-Rock, a.k.a. Little Red Haired Girl, http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=60333118 was laboring for 36 hours. That is a day and a half for those running out of fingers to count on. 18 of those 36 hours were completely drug free. Not even a Tylenol was imbibed to circumvent aching and eventual unmeasurable pain that she was to endure. After 18 hours she finally succumbed to coercion and accepted an epidural to assist the Pitocin in the dilation process. (if you're unfamiliar with what I'm saying check Wikipedia for details and definitions) The epidural was a minimal dose that only took the slightest edge off. She still felt every bit of the pain of a natural childbirth.

My wife is an amazing woman that has succeeded in enduring the tortures of childbirth and she did it sans medication, au natural, in order to bring the healthiest baby possible into our family with no complications, no emergencies and no adverse conditions. I am in awe.

Introducing...

Helen. My Daughter.

Born 10/22/07 5:43 p.m. EST, 6 lbs 15 oz, 19.5" long. Mrs. E-Rock labored for 36 hours before Helen was born. I can't describe the feeling of watching my own child emerge into the world from the confines of a womb. It was awe inspiring to say the least. She is perfect in every way, and I am humbled to have seen my wife go through without drugs what I couldn't have done with an overdose of everything available. This was the most amazing thing I have ever seen or been a part of.

Here are the first pictures:

...and my personal favorite... (this was NOT posed, this is completely on her)

These pics were taken when she was 4 hours old. In the first 4 hours of her life she has already figured out the universal gesture. She is definitely my child.

That's all for now, more tomorrow.

News Flash, This Just In

Circa 5:10 am today, Mrs. E-Rock came to me and told me that her water just broke.

SHIT!

FUCK!

SHIT!

I was going to pack the bag, get the house ready, and otherwise prepare for everything in the next few days. Things didn't quite work out that way.

Details forthcoming.

Past His Prime

I'm writing this on my new laptop. This thing ROCKS!

Anyway... on with the show.

Gallagher is a comedian who has never been funny. What does everyone remember his as? The guy who smashes fruit with a big sledge hammer. It was cute once, in 1969. In 2006 it's just dumb.

However, it has made him a fuck load of money. He hasn't had to go to a job, report to a boss, punch a clock or do any of the things that a majority of the country does daily. He has been living the life his fans wish they could.

So why would he rant on and on in the Dayton City Paper about how stupid his fans and Americans in general are and complain that he's only remembered as the guy who smashes fruit? I agree with him, his fans and Americans in general are stupid. Since I have no fanbase and haven't made a secret about my general loathing of our government and the minions that follow it blindly, I have no remorse for saying as much.

BUT...

I know better than to shit where I eat.

I hate hip-hop. When I'm working a hip-hop show, does the promoter know this?

ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT.

Why?

I like to get paid.

Gallagher is an ungrateful, grumpy, old douchebag that is realizing his particular brand of hippy comedy stopped being funny about the time Ronald Reagan ran for president the first time. It is ironic, however that the guy who doesn't want to be remembered as the guy who smashes fruit has a website as www.gallaghersmash.com.

Now THAT'S funny.