Is There No End To My Greatness?

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears E-Rock pajamas.

Simply by pulling on both ends, E-Rock can stretch diamonds back into coal.

E-Rock doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.

E-Rock can slam a revolving door.

There is no such thing as global warming. E-Rock was cold, so he turned the sun up.

E-Rock did in fact, build Rome in a day.

Once you go E-Rock, you are physically unable to go back.

E-Rock doesn't play god. Playing is for children.

E-Rock can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Some kids play Kick the can. E-Rock played Kick the keg.

E-Rock recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

The Bible was originally titled "E-Rock and Friends"

E-Rock can judge a book by its cover.

E-Rock invented the internet… just so he had a place to store his porn.

E-Rock is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

When God said, "let there be light", E-Rock said, "say 'please'."

E-Rock uses a night light. Not because E-Rock is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of E-Rock.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into E-Rock.

E-Rock once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

E-Rock doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

When E-Rock does division, there are no remainders.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. E-Rock bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.

E-Rock can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

E-Rock uses 4'x8' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

E-Rock can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

E-Rock once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

E-Rock is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

E-Rock once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

E-Rock does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

E-Rock grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

E-Rock once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

E-Rock sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

When E-Rock goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.

E-Rock doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.

E-Rock once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by E-Rock.

E-Rock knows the last digit of pi.

E-Rock actually built the stairway to heaven.

E-Rock makes onions CRY!!!