My friend Damon posted a bulletin that touched on this subject, but bulletins lack originality. Here's some tips and tricks to avoid getting a meal at your favorite establishment without having your food cross the path of a server's asshole or nutsack before arriving at your table.
1. Servers are not servants. Be nice to the folks handling your food. "Please" and "Thank-You" are a good way of making sure there is no snot in your gravy. No one wants to hear "Gimme" or "I want" that. It's just rude.
2. The odds of someone else's hair getting in your food are slim to none. The hair in your salad is yours. Deal with it.
3. If your food is over or under cooked, it isn't the server's fault. It's the cook's. Taking it out on the server will do nothing but cause the server to drag their ass in serving you and drag your extra rolls across their ass in retaliation.
4. Don't haggle over the cost over a meal. If you didn't want to pay for eating out you should have stayed home.
5. Your kids aren't cute. They aren't adorable. They are making a mess that someone else had to clean up. Keep them under control.
These are not necessarily rules, more like guidelines. If you follow them your dining will be poop and snot free. Bon Appetite.
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