I'm Tired

I joined a gym this week. I am one sad motherfucker! I can't believe how fat and out of shape I really am. No worries. I'll be svelte and sexy before long.

Hurricanes and Crybabies

I've been hearing are reading a lot of propaganda from friends, coworkers, and callers to the radio station. Here's the deal...

Hurricane relief IS NOT THE PRESIDENT'S RESPONSIBILITY.

The Mayor of New Orleans has been quoted saying "I don't know who's problem this is, the governor's or the President's but someone needs to get their ass down here and start fixing it."

Well, guess what Mr. Mayor. IT'S YOUR CITY. You ran for and were elected into the position of Mayor. The Mayor is the chief executive at the local level. The buck should stop with you.

My heart goes out to all those dumbass people who chose to live 10 feet below sea level in a hurricane prone segment of the world. My heart goes out to those who were handicapped and had no feasible way of escaping injury or death. My heart goes out to my fellow Saints fans that have to deal with our team being uprooted. By while I am saddened, I am realistic.

There are a few great people who will do something about problems, and there are large majorities that will use them for personal or political gain.

Those in the Michael Moore, liberal camp see an opportunity to lay fault and blame on President Bush, but those are the same people who will try their hardest to blame him for everything including the Lindbergh Baby kidnapping.

Those in the Sean Hannity, conservative camp see an opportunity to once again tout the infallible leadership and "resolve" of Mr. Bush. But those are the same people who think that Ashcroft was a good attorney general and the Patriot Act was a good idea.

Neither side has a fucking clue as to the reality of the situation which is that the Hurricane damage wasn't that bad, but no one expected the storm surge that would destroy most of the region. FEMA has the capacity to handle the wind and hurricane damage, but no one ever expected the flooding, and the mass hysteria that followed. Now that everything is decimated and anarchy is ruling the streets the whining and crying begins.

We live in a culture of instant gratification. MORE... MORE... MORE, NOW... NOW... NOW. When we don't get what we want, we need a scapegoat. BLAME HIM... BLAME HIM... FIRE THEM... FIRE THEM...

No one ever says, save yourself... Can I help??? or Let's work together... It's ALWAYS someone else's problem. How can this be remedied? Simple, we need to start helping ourselves. It can be hurricane devastation, or getting laid off in Detroit. We need to rely less on the government and relearn how to take care of ourselves.

Homeland Security

Let me begin with the Department of Homeland Security.

This fucking organization has absolutely NO ability to keep you and I safe from the bad guys. The only things they succeed in is taking our rights from us, making our travel experience generally miserable, and giving stupid people jobs.

We leave to go on our honeymoon. From DAY to MCO (that's Dayton to Orlando in airport lingo) with the flight leaving at 7:05 am. No problem, we got there early enough to make it through security and still have a Cinnabon before boarding the plane.

The first thing I notice is that there are signs telling me I can't lock my luggage with anything except a TSA approved lock (of which they have a master key). Why else would I lock my luggage in an airport? Who other than me will handle my baggage? GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES. But no worry, I always pack light and nothing valueable. I they really want to sniff my boxers, more power to them.

Then I have to show ticket and ID to get up to the metal detector. Before that, however, I have to relinquish my lighter because it can't be taken on plane, but the lady handed me a book of matches? WHAT?!?!?! I can't have a regulated butane lighter, but I can have a flaming pack of sulfur? OK. Whatever.

Next the shoes come off, and the pockets are emptied. I understand the pockets, but the shoes? Common.... The shoe bomber was caught. It won't happen again. We're chasing our tails and wasting time looking at shoes. What happens next time when the bomber has the device in his ass. Will everyone have to drop trou and spread cheek for the inspector right there in the airport? What about a bra bomb?

So we finally get through security and have some Cinnabon when I notice a sign with the Department of Homeland Security logo on it that said "Your Rights" with some kind of list under them. I never bothered to read it. I lust thought about taking a large chisel tip marker and drawing a big circle with a slash through it because they obviously have decided that the Constitution and Bill of Rights are null and void regarding air travel. It's really fucking insane. Welcome to the United States, leave your freedom at the door.

FUCK!!!

If I have to hear one more time from the Religious Right how God is on the side of goodness and freedom, and morality I'm going to lose it. It doesn't matter the subject matter or issue. Gay Marriage, Terrorism, The Law of Gravity, the Theory of Evolution. These nutjobs and their minions are gathering in louder unison voice to infect all people with their cultish belief structure.

Hatred justified through religion. What a concept. They hate, and call it love. Religion should have no part in politics. NONE.

Those fuckers will weasel their way out of paying taxes so they can leach off the system like a welfare rat, but then they want to throw their newly found money at the SIG's and Lobbyists to get their hate-mongering legislation passed. They pepper the airwaves with mouthpieces that appeal to middle class mommies and daddies that want a nice save haven to raise their little kiddies. They throw out words like "EVIL" and "IMMORAL" and when they talk about people with different lifestyles, or religions. They throw the word "MURDERER" to women going into a clinic, regardless of the procedure. They want to exorcise their right to free speech while trying to silence all voices of opposition.

I've got no love for the Left either. They are just as bad on the opposite end of the spectrum. Sometimes War is a good thing. You can't save everybody, taking my money to try and save them is out of the question, and eminent domain is a horrible, CRIMINAL, practice that should never have passed the Supreme Court. They were obviously asleep at the wheel on that one.

Is there anyone out there that cares? Is there anyone out there that is awake enough to be afraid? I am.

My Upcoming Nuptuals and Quitting My Job

Well here it is, I'm getting married. On September 18, 2005, I will be married to a wonderful woman who has definitely changed my life for the better.

What's weird is that I have none of the typical pre-marriage issues that I hear about from other guys, read about in magazines or see in movies. I'm totally comfortable with it. In fact, I'm kinda excited and looking forward to it.

So far everything has been planned in two weeks or less. For my part, I have done next to nothing save getting measured for a tuxedo and approve menu items. Mary Ann, on the other hand, has done everything and hasn't had a cross word to say about it at all.

This won't be some sick, strange, religious ceremony. Rather a simple outdoor ceremony written by us, officiated by a friend (who happens to be a pastor), followed by a decadent feast. The fun part will be my parents... My Father, the Pastor, and my Mother, the Zealot, having to bear witness to their non believing son marrying a wiccan and not being able open their mouths about it.

Not that it matters, the sauce will be flowing and I won't be caring. I'll have a hot, sexy woman as a bride, all my friends and cronies to help me celebrate. This will be the party of the year!

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I just finished typing my resignation letter to my boss here at the radio station. My plan is to do sound only and make a career out of it. However it's 4:45 am right now, I'm getting ready to run the morning show and there is a plethora of time for me to puss out and throw the paper away.

I'll continue this after I deliver the paper and actually follow through with it.

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Ok so I did it. I didn't puss out, and I handed in my resignation letter. I gave plenty of notice and was quite cordial about the whole thing, but now I HAVE to make my move and I HAVE to succeed. If I don't I'm FUCKED.

Funny Site of the DECADE

30 miles south of where I live, is a monstrosity of a Church called the Solid Rock Church.

About a year ago they finally finished their giant statue of Jesus facing the highway and then the photoshoppers came along!!!

check it out... Jeeebus Lives

Jesus, Harry Potter and Dumbasses

I'm at work reading the newswires and there are a plethora of stories about the Christian protests of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

These people are a cancer. They took a good idea and turned it into an excuse to hate and their convenient target of the week is children.

Maybe it was time to give the gay people a break since they've been hated by Christians since the dark ages. (and I'm SURE that all of the good Christian protesters out there live perfect existences and have all the right to throw the first stone.)

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On the other side of the argument, MAGIC DOES NOT FUCKING EXIST!!!!! I have heard arguments by Potter supporters touting that the wizarding school focuses on good magic while defending against dark magic.

Once again... it's just a story... to be read and entertained by and put on the shelf until you feel the need to be entertained again.

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In Star Trek T.O.S. there was an episode called "A Piece of The Action" In this episode, the Enterprise encounters a world where the entire population was living like gangsters from the Godfather era. As the episode unfolds it is discovered that an astronaut from generations past had unknowingly left a novel akin to a Mario Puzo novel that was discovered by the inhabitants of the planet.

They adopted the story as truth and developed a social hierarchy around this fictional story and used it to set their laws and social structure.

Can anyone else draw a parallel?

Yet Another Zealot on the Loose

The Bible-thumpers on the extreme Christian right are embarrassing themselves again. This bit of news comes to us courtesy of some group called the "American Family Association" and the Reverend Donald Wildmon.

The company in his sights is The Ford Motor Company. What for? Ford has decided that it wants to sell more Jaguars and Land Rovers to gays and lesbians. They see a market opportunity. They way they're going to try and make those sales is by promising to donate $1,000 to the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Discrimination (GLAAD) for each Jaguar and Land Rover sold.

This is basic capitalism at work: gays and lesbians have money, and Ford wants a piece of the action. Since nutcases like Donald Wildmon can't bear to think what two consenting adults might be doing in the privacy of their own home that he doesn't agree with, we have ourselves a boycott.

Do I agree with the GLAAD donations? Not particularly, but my disagreement isn't based on who's getting the money. It's based on the principal that I want to chose my charities. If I were to go out and buy a Jag, and they were to donate $1000 of my money, I would like for the cash to go to an animal shelter. For some reason I have much more sympathy for animals than I do for most humans.

But ... like most boycotts, this one will fail. Wasn't it this very same American Family Association that recently called off its 9-year boycott of Disney World? What a success that was! Attendance is at record levels at the Disney parks. Wildmon's crowd surely does carry some clout, don't you think?

Think About This on Sunday Morning

Christian hatred has reared its ugly head yet again.

Waynesville, NC – The pastor of a small Baptist church in western North Carolina has been accused of leading an effort to kick out members because they didn't support President Bush.

Two members of the congregation say nine people were voted out of the East Waynesville church on Monday. And T-V station WLOS in Asheville reports 40 other members have resigned in protest.

The church's treasurer says, "It's all over politics."

She says pastor Chan Chandler told the congregation in October and again last Sunday that people who didn't support President Bush should leave the church.

The wife of one of the church's deacons says both she and her husband were told their memberships in the church were terminated.

The pastor has told the T-V station his actions were not politically motivated.

This is more than disturbing, however those people chose to go to that church so they have no recourse for the outcome of their poor decision-making.

(This church thing is just the latest evidence helping to solidify my feelings on Christianity and religion in general. These nutcases that are trying to legislate morality, and impress an archaic and divisive religion on the people are no better than the nutcases that we went to the other side of the world to kill.)

Now then… This evening, while at work, the show came around to this topic. There was a question posed to the audience – Does the church have the right to remove its members for their political affiliations?

What is more disturbing than this preacher’s disgusting abuse of power is that there are a few listeners that actually think the church DOES NOT have the right to remove its members.

Guess what folks, it DOES!!! A church is a private organization and they can remove you for whatever reason they want. That IS their right. I think that it is absolutely disgusting when churches get involved in politics, however its their right and I would never stand in the way of that.

I think that what is disturbing me the most; is how little people appreciate freedom. They enjoy their freedom and rights when it is convenient for them, but when someone else’s freedom and rights are an inconvenience or a nuisance, people seem to have no qualms about trying to have those freedoms and rights removed.

This system of ours is going to implode. Just watch…

Another Tale From the Drive Thru

I think that Leo Gets said it best, “THEY FUCK YOU AT THE DRIVE THRU!!!” I’m on my way into work and I pass a Ritter’s Frozen Custard. I think to myself, “Self, a milkshake would be really good right now, go get one.”

So I drive on thru to the window, make my order and wait for my tasty treat. It didn’t talk very long because I was the only customer in line at the time. I figured the girl wouldn’t have a problem mixing milk and ice cream in a blender, I mean it IS quite the simple process.

But then I realized that this girl wasn’t working there for extra money after school, but because she’s too stupid to work anywhere else

I get my cup from her, which is oozing milkshake out of the straw hole and around the rim because she tried to cram a 24 oz milkshake into a 16 oz cup. Giggling, she smiles at me and says “he he he… sorry, it’s a little full.”

I don’t have the time to have her remake it, so I just give her the money, take some extra napkins and pray that I can make the 3 block drive to work without incident.

NOPE!!!

I pull into the parking lot and what does this overflowing Styrofoam cup filled with thick and heavy frozen custard do??? It loses its bottom all over my lap. I don’t have the time to clean up, I have to be in the studio immediately, so I wipe off as much as I could onto the ground, but my pants and floorboards are covered with the shit.

Needless to say that I won’t be going back there anytime soon, but it seems to me that I am running out of convenient places to get food because everywhere I turn some inbred dumbass is working behind the counter.

Late Night Fraud

A few nights ago I was driving home and was overcome with the pangs of hunger. There's a few ways to take care of a deep hunger in the middle of the night, but the only one that isn't totally revolting is Taco Bell.

Hip Hip Hooray for the 3:00 A.M. Taco Bell Run!!!!!

I drive through this oasis that distributes meat and cheese on a taco shell and made my order. The total was $9.90. I gave the man a $20 bill. He voided the register, pocketed the $20, gave me change from his pocket and handed me my food.

HE WAS NOT A MANAGER!!!

This little scamster is skimming off the books from the good people at Taco Bell. Do I care? Not really, but I'd never bring it up out of fear that my next Taco will be spat upon by some disgruntled, hourly underling.

Although I appreciate the enterprising spirit of this little rogue, it isn't the way to get ahead. If one is going to steal, go for the prize, don't nickle and dime Taco Bell.

Something Scary

I have a clipping in my Daytimer. The plastic bookmark piece has a pocket that can hold a grocery list or a small news clipping. I chose to put this one in there to remind me of just how insane the majority of this country is.

After the election last November, I made an effort to read the Op-Ed page for commentary on the results. This is the scariest section of the newspaper one could ever read.

The clipping reads...

GOD INTERVENED IN ELECTION

I watched as the liberals in the news media fell all over themselves wondering what in the world happened in this election. All the years of planning, all the strategies, all the time, all the money put into the campaign, all the biased news reports, and all the new people registered to vote resulted in nothing for them.

Christians all over this country, and all over the world, prayed for the right man to get into the highest office of this land. What happened? God happened.

People may not want to believe it, but God intervened in this election. You may wonder how God intervened. He moved into the hearts of the people, the Electorate. No matter what you and I think or say, God has the final word in everything.

Maureen Kladitis
Beavercreek, OH


... and this person is allowed out in public unsupervised!?!?! Be afraid, be VERY afraid.

Magnetism

What is with all the ribbon magnets on cars. Yellow, Pink, Flag Colors, Black... sheesh.

I understand that you are missing a relative serving in the military, I respect that you are an extroverted zealot that feels you must advertise your religion, I understand that there are still missing people in Vietnam, and I understand that Breast Cancer exists. But get an original idea!

The initial ribbon inventor should have put a patent on it because now every flea market idiot can make a buck selling this crap.

Maybe I should make a green and brown ribbon for hangover/diarrhea awareness. Any takers?